About Me.
I have never been an open person. Those turbulent thoughts lurking deep within me—base and vulgar—loom like a mountain across my life. I have never ceased trying to fight them, though I know not what purpose this serves. Perhaps the endeavour itself is meaningless. So I hysterically compromise. At times, I feel declaring myself devoted to art is merely a grand excuse. Three years at art college failed to clarify what kind of art I wish to create, yet I've come to understand what sort of life I desire. I seek my own equilibrium, where I may think and express freely, rather than critique and scrutinise.
Of course, I'm not entirely hypocritical. All those grand ideas I've appropriated have had no real effect on me. I am lazy and idle, yet in some way I strive to express everything I wish to convey. I no longer find satisfaction in paper and pen, but rather in those numbers, those lines of code, the songs composed of three hundred notes, the curves formed by three thousand hues, the objects built from thirty thousand faces, and the images woven from three hundred million pixels. They captivate me, they intoxicate me. So I shall continue. As for whether it holds meaning, I care not.
我从来不是一个坦诚的人，那些潜藏我心底的暗流，它们卑劣、低级，就像一座山，横在我的生活里。我从未停止尝试去对抗它，我不知道这样做的意义在哪里，或许这件事本身就是没有意义的。于是我歇斯底里地妥协。有时候我觉得，说自己投身于艺术更像是一个堂皇的借口。三年的艺术学院生活没有让我明白我要做什么样的艺术，但是我大概弄懂了我想要什么样的生活。我尝试着去寻找自己的平衡，让我可以尽情思考和展示，而不是批判和审阅。
当然我也不够虚伪，所有那些我剽窃来的伟大思想全都没有作用于我的身上。我懒惰、闲散，却在某种程度上尽力表达着我想表达的一切。于是我不再满足于纸和笔，而是那些数字、那些代码，那三百个音符谱写的歌曲，那三千种颜色构成的曲线，三万个面构成的物体和三亿个像素构成的图像，让我痴迷，让我沉醉其中。所以我会继续下去，至于是否有意义，我不在意。
Leo
Oct 2025
